We the undersigned, who eat thoughtfully and who reflect on our gastronomic prejudices forthrightly,
Conscious of our duty, both to ourselves and to our progeny, to preserve and enhance Sandwich knowledge, to spread the enjoyment of Sandwich culture, to foster Sandwich innovation, and to uphold the inherent, ineffable dignity of the Sandwich,
Dogged by a sense of abdominal emptiness that afflicts us with unrelenting regularity, especially between 10:30 AM and 2:00 PM but, also, a bit before midnight,
Cognizant of the Sandwich’s fortuitous ability to ameliorate, if only for a little while, such emptiness, notwithstanding the many forms in which the Sandwich may be manifested, and
Troubled by a rising tide of confusion about the elemental nature of the Sandwich, a tide which threatens to submerge and render soggy the noble mountain of Sandwichian food hewn out of humanity’s scrum of baser foodstuffs,
Agree to the present Charter with joyous resolve and nagging hunger, and in so doing, establish a body to be known as the Committee of the Whole Sandwich, which shall be governed by the following articles.
PRINCIPLES AND PURPOSES
1. The Committee of the Whole Sandwich (the “Committee”) shall have the following purposes:
a. To preserve and enhance knowledge of Sandwich history and lore;
b. To spread the enjoyment of Sandwich culture;
c. To contribute to the body of Sandwich literature;
d. To foster Sandwich innovation; and, in any case;
e. To uphold the inherent, ineffable dignity of the Sandwich.
2. In pursuit of the purposes listed in section 1 of this article, the Committee and its Members shall act in accordance with the following principles:
a. Of being diplomatic in all Committee business, especially in relations (1) amongst and between Members, (2) with the public, (3) with opponents of the Sandwich, and (4) with ignoramuses who eat (and savor) Sandwiches without a proper level of contemplative appreciation as to taste, texture, and context;
b. Of upholding and acknowledging the equality of all Members;
c. Of being proactive, flexible, and industrious; and
d. Of being inquisitive, thoughtful, and of good cheer.
1. The Committee shall fulfill the obligations contained in this Charter through its own activities directly, as the supreme organ established by this Charter, and through the subsidiary organs listed in this section, which shall fulfill their respective obligations listed in this section along with whatever additional task the Committee may delegate. To these and to any other organ established pursuant to section 3 of this article, the Committee shall appoint any Member willing and able to serve.
a. Subcommittee on Sandwich Middlings, Not Toppings - which shall conduct investigations and submit to the Committee reports on Sandwich middlings;
b. Subcommittee on Sandwich Bread – which shall conduct investigations and submit to the Committee reports on Sandwich bread;
c. Subcommittee on Sandwich Complements and Adulterants – which shall conduct investigations and submit to the Committee reports on Sandwich complements and adulterants;
d. Office of Sandwich Taxonomy – which shall research Sandwich taxonomy and enhance our knowledge thereof by producing reports, photographic images, and infographics of the sort made by FastCompany magazine, all of which the Office of Sandwich Taxonomy shall submit to the Committee and make available for public dissemination;
e. Office of Sandwich Audits – which shall audit the quality, nature, and aura of Sandwiches encountered in public places and submit the results of such audits to the Committee and make available for public dissemination; and
f. Agency for Sandwich Development – which shall promote and investigate innovation in Sandwich design and technology.
2. All organs established in this article shall operate in accordance with whatever regulations the Committee may establish for the fulfillment of the obligations contained in this Charter.
3. The Committee may establish additional organs for the fulfillment of the obligations contained in this Charter.
MEMBERSHIP AND VOTING
1. The Committee shall be made up of people who, upon joining the Committee and until departing from it (whether by resignation or expulsion), shall be known as Members.
2. The founding Members shall include the undersigned.
3. Each Member shall have one vote; Members may vote by any means practicable, including by proxy, so long as such means convey reliably the vote intended.
4. The Committee shall have the authority to do anything with respect to the Sandwich and consistent with the obligations contained in this Charter, but shall do nothing except by majority vote of voting Members.
5. Additional people may be admitted as new Members to the Committee upon the approval of a majority of voting Members; provided, that such voting shall take place promptly after a request for admission is made and that new Members shall be admitted freely so long as they are found to have an earnest heart and really, really like Sandwiches.
6. Membership on the Committee shall be perpetual; provided, however,
a. That the Committee may expel a Member who, while being a Member, the Committee finds to have either persistently undermined the purposes of or violated the principles contained in this Charter by, for instance, (1) equating burritos with Sandwiches (except for sake of argument where Sandwiches win) or (2) eating a soup or salad at lunch without also eating as the main entrée a Sandwich; and
b. That a Member may resign membership on the Committee if such resignation is tendered in person to the Committee in a basket holding enough Sandwiches for each Member in attendance, such Sandwiches being crafted according to the individual preferences of the Members in attendance and weighing no less than 450 grams.
7. The Committee and its Members shall refer to a Member who departs the Committee through:
a. Expulsion as a Sandwich Made With Stale Bread; and
b. Resignation as an Oddity.
INTERPRETATION OF THIS CHARTER
Any question as to the interpretation of this Charter shall be decided by the vote of a majority of voting Members.
Amendments to this Charter may be made by the approval of a two-thirds majority of voting Members.
We the founding Members of the Committee of the Whole Sandwich now sign this Charter — physically on our own printed copies, mentally with pure intellectual might, or digitally by either bookmarking the URL of the Committee’s website or, for the most casual and lazy among us, “liking” the Committee’s website on a social network. We do so knowing full well that the Committee may develop a partiality for shortcuts and a tendency to flagrantly ignore the obligations contained in this Charter, and, frankly, we do not really mind if that be the case.
Done in Matagalpa, Nicaragua and Minneapolis, Minnesota,
28th day of November, 2011.